It All Started...

…How it usually starts....

Romance, roses, date nights, courtship, marriage proposal, a baby....fireworks...etc....

But then, reality sets in sooner rather than later, and then the honeymoon phase quickly fizzles out....

Standing in a courtroom, wondering where it all went wrong, I was jolted to reality when the bailiff presented the Judge with a document that I was expecting to be my Order of Protection.

 The Order I was hoping to have granted was against the very man who was supposed to be my protector, but who ended up being my assailant. 

To my shock and surprise, the bailiff presented the Judge with a document. That document was an Order of Protection… but it was not my order!  

In fact, it was a restraining order filed against my abuser by another ex-girlfriend!  To say I was shocked… stunned… speechless.... is an understatement. The realization of what was in front of me, called me to action. Had I known there was a prior restraining order against him, I would have NEVER allowed him into my life, my home and near my children. 

With his hiding this information from me, he took away the life and innocence from my family - and especially from the child he and I share together. 

After some research, I discovered that there is a resource to identify Child Abusers or Sex Offenders (Megan’s Law), but there is not such a resource to identify domestic violence abusers or those with Court Ordered Restraining Orders against them.  

In order to avoid becoming a victim of domestic violence (or any type of violence), we must KNOW THE HISTORY OF ABUSE in order to exercise our right to say NO! TO AN ABUSIVE FUTURE. 

There’s power in knowledge! History repeats itself.  If I had known my abuser's history, I would have never become involved with him. 

It's time there is a resource and  AreTheyAbusive.org is working to make it happen! Help break the cycle of abuse, by refusing to be a part of it.  

Know their History... No Abuse.   

KNOW means NO!

 AreTheyAbusive.org  

Let's be honest,  you are here because you, or someone you love, have experienced domestic violence leading to an Order of Protection (Restraining Order) and you want to help others from becoming a victim to your abuser. Or, because you have concerns about allowing someone into your life without first KNOWING if there may be an abusive past that resulted in a Court issuing a Restraining Order.  Whichever it may be - CONGRATULATIONS and THANK YOU for taking a stand against domestic violence!  

If you have had the tragic experience of being the victim of domestic violence, and were granted an Order of Protection against your abuser, you can help others from falling victim to your abuser by uploading your document here!  If you are here seeking to know if someone in your life may have a history of abuse that may have lead to a Restraining Order, In either case, you have the opportunity to say “NO” to abuse in your future.  Whichever it may be - CONGRATULATIONS for taking a stand against domestic violence! 

Until AreTheyAbusive.org, there was NO registry available to provide individuals with a means of helping to identify potential abusers BEFORE abuse has a chance to begin (often again).  Knowledge is power… Let’s stand together to provide the opportunity to KNOW and empower others to say NO to Domestic Violence BEFORE it begins!  AreTheyAbusive.org has four primary goals:

1.  Sharable Database: AreTheyAbusive.org offers individuals a place to upload an Order of Protection (Restraining Order) so that others may also KNOW the history of abuse in order to exercise their right to say NO! before abuse begins!   

2.  Searchable Database: AreTheyAbusive.org is growing a searchable database of Protection Orders (Restraining Orders) so individuals may seek to KNOW about a person of interest.   PLEASE NOTE: We are in the process of growing our database.  As individuals upload their documentation, our database will grow.  In the mean time, we are gathering signatures to compel legislators to enact a Know Means No Law, creating a nationally available database of Registered Domestic Violence Offenders! 

3.   New Legislation:  Through the collective efforts of others, Megan’s Law was born.  Megan’s Law allows interested parties to access and search a database of Registered Child Abusers, to help protect our children from potential predators.  As sad as it is, there are many types of predators, including abusers who often target their victims.  Imagine a fully searchable database anyone can access to search the name of "Mr. or Ms. Perfect" to KNOW if he/she has had an Order of Protection against him/her.  How many cases of domestic violence might be avoided with through knowledge! To help support our effort to bring this to reality, sign our petition.  

4. Resources: As we continue our community outreach, we are developing partnerships with others also supportive of advanced knowledge of the history of potential abusers.  If you are a professional interested in offering your services to others, please reach out to AreTheyAbusive.org and tell us how you would like to help.  If you are in need of resource assistance, please contact us and tell us about your need.  We will do what we can to assist you in finding resources, and/or furthering our partnership development to include resources to assist you.  

Do you have a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESTRAINING ORDER OR ORDER OF PROTECTION? 

It's no doubt that history repeats itself, and there’s no exception where domestic violence is concerned. According to the CDC, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience physical violence by their intimate partner at some point during their lifetimes.  Approximately 45 million children will be exposed to violence during childhood, and 10% of all children are exposed to domestic violence annually, and 25% are exposed to at least one event of domestic violence during their childhood.  Children who witness domestic violence are at increased risk of dating violence and have a more difficult time with healthy partnerships and parenting… and thus the cycle continues.

Let’s work together to help STOP ABUSE BEFORE IT BEGINS!  

Email your DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESTRAINING ORDER OR ORDER OF PROTECTION to aretheyabusive@gmail.com